OUR PROMISE: At TheFilesFiles.com, we’re committed to bringing you
all of the information you want and none of the information you need.
all of the information you want and none of the information you need.
STUDY SHOWS NUMBER OF BIG-BONED AMERICANS HAS REACHED ALL-TIME HIGH
Results Published In Medical Euphemisms Quarterly
ST. LOUIS, MO – Research out of Washington University finds more Americans suffer from
having big bones than ever before. A recent study, published in Medical Euphemisms
Quarterly, indicates up to 54% of the country’s population is stricken with a rare condition that
leaves human bones enlarged, resulting in the appearance of being fat. “These numbers are
simply staggering.” says Dr. Noel Prichwest, the study’s lead researcher, “Our findings show
trailer parks and areas with a high concentration of Golden Corral restaurants have been hit
especially hard.” The study also finds anyone living in a twenty-mile radius of a Pizza Hut buffet
is twelve times more likely to suffer from big bones, though Prichwest insists his subjects’
frequenting of fast food restaurants in no way tainted the results. “These people are absolutely
not fat, nor are they obese. They simply have larger bones, which often creates the illusion of
being chubby.” Scientists say those who suffer from the condition are more likely to retain baby
fat well into adulthood and may also appear “curvy” or “heavy set,” but certainly not “fat.”
The findings add strength to a years-old struggle in which fuller-figured people have
campaigned to drop “fat” from the American dialect, saying the moniker is harmful and
inaccurate. “If we were fat, we’d admit we were fat.” says Dave Ammaker, president of the
Coalition Of Big Boned Sufferers And Larger Anatomy Disease, or COBB SALAD. “The fact is,
we’re just as healthy as the rest of the population, but our bones are about twenty percent
larger, in my case thirty percent.” Ammaker says the study is the shot in the arm COBB SALAD
needs to promote awareness of members’ afflictions, and he plans to hold open door
meetings at Arby’s locations throughout the St. Louis area. Link this story here.
Comment on this story here. Story Archive -TheFilesFiles.com
Decent Exposure: The Riverfront Times The Suburban Journals RFT(blog)
97.1FM (audio) Part One
971.FM (audio) Part Two
Disclaimer: TheFilesFiles.com is a satire site...the truth is just too boring.
Results Published In Medical Euphemisms Quarterly
ST. LOUIS, MO – Research out of Washington University finds more Americans suffer from
having big bones than ever before. A recent study, published in Medical Euphemisms
Quarterly, indicates up to 54% of the country’s population is stricken with a rare condition that
leaves human bones enlarged, resulting in the appearance of being fat. “These numbers are
simply staggering.” says Dr. Noel Prichwest, the study’s lead researcher, “Our findings show
trailer parks and areas with a high concentration of Golden Corral restaurants have been hit
especially hard.” The study also finds anyone living in a twenty-mile radius of a Pizza Hut buffet
is twelve times more likely to suffer from big bones, though Prichwest insists his subjects’
frequenting of fast food restaurants in no way tainted the results. “These people are absolutely
not fat, nor are they obese. They simply have larger bones, which often creates the illusion of
being chubby.” Scientists say those who suffer from the condition are more likely to retain baby
fat well into adulthood and may also appear “curvy” or “heavy set,” but certainly not “fat.”
The findings add strength to a years-old struggle in which fuller-figured people have
campaigned to drop “fat” from the American dialect, saying the moniker is harmful and
inaccurate. “If we were fat, we’d admit we were fat.” says Dave Ammaker, president of the
Coalition Of Big Boned Sufferers And Larger Anatomy Disease, or COBB SALAD. “The fact is,
we’re just as healthy as the rest of the population, but our bones are about twenty percent
larger, in my case thirty percent.” Ammaker says the study is the shot in the arm COBB SALAD
needs to promote awareness of members’ afflictions, and he plans to hold open door
meetings at Arby’s locations throughout the St. Louis area. Link this story here.
Comment on this story here. Story Archive -TheFilesFiles.com
Decent Exposure: The Riverfront Times The Suburban Journals RFT(blog)
97.1FM (audio) Part One
971.FM (audio) Part Two
Disclaimer: TheFilesFiles.com is a satire site...the truth is just too boring.
Logo by Aimee Bachman - Studio 9
| People Are Talking About TheFilesFiles.com: "...I've never heard of that website, it sounds stupid." -Ann (Dayton, OH) "...The videos offend me." -Robert (St. Louis, MO) "God bless TheFilesFiles.com... America depends on you." -Cram Noskroy (Fort Myers, FL) "...Never heard of it. Why are you writing this down?" -Melissa (Little Rock, AR) "The In The News articles are all a lie. Are those guys even credible?" -Ella (New York, NY) |
Trailer park residents are
five times more likely to
suffer from big bones.
five times more likely to
suffer from big bones.
Big-boned Americans also
tend to retain baby fat into
adulthood.
tend to retain baby fat into
adulthood.
