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STUDY FINDS SOCIAL ACTIVISM INCREASES ODDS OF BECOMING A JUDGMENTAL PRICK
(COLUMBIA, MO) – Recent research indicates people who assume roles with increased
social activism are nearly twice as likely to be pricks who pass judgment on others. University
of Missouri scientists released the results of the four-year study in this month’s issue of
Behavioral Science Weekly, a popular publication among people with enough spare time to
read such a publication. “What we’ve found is that young adults, particularly college students,
feel some sort of obligation to take up an obscure cause they’ve never previously cared about.”
says research analyst Dr. Martin Koyne, “These people tend to engulf themselves in their
cause, to the point where they feel justified in treating those who don’t share their passion like
some sort of subhuman life form.” Koyne’s research team also found that once someone
becomes socially active, that person is likely to adopt a lifestyle that includes showering less
frequently, standing on street corners with hand-painted signs waiting for people to honk, and
drinking water out of aluminum containers.
“I’ll tell you what’s really sad about this whole situation, man...” says Danny Woolrick, a
member of the group of students Koyne studied, “You’ve got the government spending, like,
millions of dollars on studies like this when you’ve got people over in Burma who need that
money to free themselves from an increasingly socialist government. How long are we just
going to sit here and ignore the problem going on in Burma?” Woolrick proceeded to boast
that his shirt was made of environmentally-friendly elephant dung and lambasted a group of
reporters for using paper not purchased from the Office Supplies for Tibetan Freedom
coalition. As of print time, Woolrick had yet to convince more than three people to sign his
petition to stop the U.S. importation of Micronesian teabags until that country’s government
recognizes the right of its people to assemble freely in public. Link this story here.
Comment on this story here. Story Archive -TheFilesFiles.com
Decent Exposure: The Riverfront Times The Suburban Journals RFT(blog)
97.1FM (audio)
Disclaimer: TheFilesFiles.com is a satire site...the truth is just too boring.
STUDY FINDS SOCIAL ACTIVISM INCREASES ODDS OF BECOMING A JUDGMENTAL PRICK
(COLUMBIA, MO) – Recent research indicates people who assume roles with increased
social activism are nearly twice as likely to be pricks who pass judgment on others. University
of Missouri scientists released the results of the four-year study in this month’s issue of
Behavioral Science Weekly, a popular publication among people with enough spare time to
read such a publication. “What we’ve found is that young adults, particularly college students,
feel some sort of obligation to take up an obscure cause they’ve never previously cared about.”
says research analyst Dr. Martin Koyne, “These people tend to engulf themselves in their
cause, to the point where they feel justified in treating those who don’t share their passion like
some sort of subhuman life form.” Koyne’s research team also found that once someone
becomes socially active, that person is likely to adopt a lifestyle that includes showering less
frequently, standing on street corners with hand-painted signs waiting for people to honk, and
drinking water out of aluminum containers.
“I’ll tell you what’s really sad about this whole situation, man...” says Danny Woolrick, a
member of the group of students Koyne studied, “You’ve got the government spending, like,
millions of dollars on studies like this when you’ve got people over in Burma who need that
money to free themselves from an increasingly socialist government. How long are we just
going to sit here and ignore the problem going on in Burma?” Woolrick proceeded to boast
that his shirt was made of environmentally-friendly elephant dung and lambasted a group of
reporters for using paper not purchased from the Office Supplies for Tibetan Freedom
coalition. As of print time, Woolrick had yet to convince more than three people to sign his
petition to stop the U.S. importation of Micronesian teabags until that country’s government
recognizes the right of its people to assemble freely in public. Link this story here.
Comment on this story here. Story Archive -TheFilesFiles.com
Decent Exposure: The Riverfront Times The Suburban Journals RFT(blog)
97.1FM (audio)
Disclaimer: TheFilesFiles.com is a satire site...the truth is just too boring.
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Protesters at the University
of California-Davis hold a
sign that will do nothing to
change the world.
of California-Davis hold a
sign that will do nothing to
change the world.
A college protester who
will one day work at Arby's
poses in front of a sign that
confuses even the people
who made it.
will one day work at Arby's
poses in front of a sign that
confuses even the people
who made it.
