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THREE INCHES OF UNSOLD AD SPACE FOUND AT BUSCH STADIUM
Cardinals Front Office Goes Into Panic Mode To Get Area Sold By Next Game
ST. LOUIS, MO - St. Louis Cardinals executives are stunned following the discovery of a three
square inch plot of space in Busch Stadium that, for some unknown reason, is not displaying
an ad. A fan uncovered the space during a recent game versus the Pittsburgh Pirates. Donald
Akin, 33, of Old Monroe had just purchased nachos and a beverage from a vendor in section
363 when, while placing the food beneath his seat, he noticed a portion of the concrete
beneath his chair contained no advertising. “I thought for a minute it was one of those tricky
ads that like show up when you look at it for a while,” says Akin, “but it turned out to be empty. I
told my wife to get the camera and we took a few pictures.” Akin immediately informed a
Cardinals staff member of the discovery. Within minutes General Manager John Mozeliak was
on the scene, cell phone in hand. “I called my director of advertising sales and demanded to
know how something like this could’ve happened.” says Mozeliak, “We pride ourselves on
selling everything people can see, that’s something we owe to the fans.”
Mozeliak says the club has since filled the space with a placeholder ad, but Cardinals insiders
say the shame of the space going unsold for four games is almost too much for the ball club
to bear. “Our face is Cardinal red, there’s no doubt about that.” says Cards top sales earner
Amanda Burkwell, a woman known for inking a bathroom break sponsorship deal that
requires players to announce over the stadium’s PA system that their restroom trips are
sponsored by Dobbs Tire and Auto. “I hate that deal man.” says Cardinals slugger Albert
Pujols. “Every time I pee I have to talk about oil changes, so now I just hold it.” As for the unsold
space, Mozeliak tells TheFilesFiles.com the executive responsible for selling the section has
been fired, and his family will likely be dead by the end of the week. Link this story here.
Comment on this story here. Story Archive -TheFilesFiles.com
Decent Exposure: The Riverfront Times The Suburban Journals RFT(blog)
97.1FM (audio) Part One
971.FM (audio) Part Two
Disclaimer: TheFilesFiles.com is a satire site...the truth is just too boring.
THREE INCHES OF UNSOLD AD SPACE FOUND AT BUSCH STADIUM
Cardinals Front Office Goes Into Panic Mode To Get Area Sold By Next Game
ST. LOUIS, MO - St. Louis Cardinals executives are stunned following the discovery of a three
square inch plot of space in Busch Stadium that, for some unknown reason, is not displaying
an ad. A fan uncovered the space during a recent game versus the Pittsburgh Pirates. Donald
Akin, 33, of Old Monroe had just purchased nachos and a beverage from a vendor in section
363 when, while placing the food beneath his seat, he noticed a portion of the concrete
beneath his chair contained no advertising. “I thought for a minute it was one of those tricky
ads that like show up when you look at it for a while,” says Akin, “but it turned out to be empty. I
told my wife to get the camera and we took a few pictures.” Akin immediately informed a
Cardinals staff member of the discovery. Within minutes General Manager John Mozeliak was
on the scene, cell phone in hand. “I called my director of advertising sales and demanded to
know how something like this could’ve happened.” says Mozeliak, “We pride ourselves on
selling everything people can see, that’s something we owe to the fans.”
Mozeliak says the club has since filled the space with a placeholder ad, but Cardinals insiders
say the shame of the space going unsold for four games is almost too much for the ball club
to bear. “Our face is Cardinal red, there’s no doubt about that.” says Cards top sales earner
Amanda Burkwell, a woman known for inking a bathroom break sponsorship deal that
requires players to announce over the stadium’s PA system that their restroom trips are
sponsored by Dobbs Tire and Auto. “I hate that deal man.” says Cardinals slugger Albert
Pujols. “Every time I pee I have to talk about oil changes, so now I just hold it.” As for the unsold
space, Mozeliak tells TheFilesFiles.com the executive responsible for selling the section has
been fired, and his family will likely be dead by the end of the week. Link this story here.
Comment on this story here. Story Archive -TheFilesFiles.com
Decent Exposure: The Riverfront Times The Suburban Journals RFT(blog)
97.1FM (audio) Part One
971.FM (audio) Part Two
Disclaimer: TheFilesFiles.com is a satire site...the truth is just too boring.
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General Manager John
Mozeliak explains the
situation at a press
conference sponsored by
Edward Jones.
Mozeliak explains the
situation at a press
conference sponsored by
Edward Jones.
An aerial view of the seat
that hovers over the unsold
advertising space.
that hovers over the unsold
advertising space.
