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DIGITAL TV CONVERSION REVEALED AS EIGHTH SIGN OF THE APOCALYPSE
Lost Biblical Verses Point To Format Switch As Indication Of Armageddon
JERUSALEM, ISRAEL – The entire globe is on the brink of panic today, as experts say they’ve
uncovered an eighth sign of the Apocalypse; the U.S. conversion to digital television. In a
series of events never before witnessed, the world’s top religious scholars have convened in
the Holy Land to study a group of verses uncovered from the book of Revelation that reads, in
part, as follows: “Prepare ye, for the time of our Lord’s return is near when thy television set
requireth a digital tuner.” The text goes on to describe a series of telltale apocalyptic events
that includes panic among local television affiliates, old people calling their offspring to show
them how to work their converter boxes, and the creation of elaborate websites devoted to
explaining a seemingly simple transition. ”
“I don’t want anyone to panic." warns religious research analyst Hershell Simmons, “All this
means is that sometime in the next few weeks everyone’s probably going to die a fiery death.”
Simmons says the digital conversion likely means the other signs of the world’s end are near.
Revelation describes these signs in detail, including the famed Four Horsemen, said to bring
famine, lies, disease, and violence. “Again, there’s no reason to panic,” adds Simmons, “but if
you notice four guys on horseback and they happen to be on fire, I’d maybe say a prayer or
two.” Though worldwide disaster approaches, The Federal Communications Commission is
taking the discovery in stride, saying in a prepared statement, “For months we’ve been warning
citizens that a switch to digital format is imminent. Though we assumed everyone would know
such a change meant the second coming of Christ, it appears many people are still
unprepared. Oh well, good luck.” Link this story here.
Comment on this story here. Story Archive -TheFilesFiles.com
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DIGITAL TV CONVERSION REVEALED AS EIGHTH SIGN OF THE APOCALYPSE
Lost Biblical Verses Point To Format Switch As Indication Of Armageddon
JERUSALEM, ISRAEL – The entire globe is on the brink of panic today, as experts say they’ve
uncovered an eighth sign of the Apocalypse; the U.S. conversion to digital television. In a
series of events never before witnessed, the world’s top religious scholars have convened in
the Holy Land to study a group of verses uncovered from the book of Revelation that reads, in
part, as follows: “Prepare ye, for the time of our Lord’s return is near when thy television set
requireth a digital tuner.” The text goes on to describe a series of telltale apocalyptic events
that includes panic among local television affiliates, old people calling their offspring to show
them how to work their converter boxes, and the creation of elaborate websites devoted to
explaining a seemingly simple transition. ”
“I don’t want anyone to panic." warns religious research analyst Hershell Simmons, “All this
means is that sometime in the next few weeks everyone’s probably going to die a fiery death.”
Simmons says the digital conversion likely means the other signs of the world’s end are near.
Revelation describes these signs in detail, including the famed Four Horsemen, said to bring
famine, lies, disease, and violence. “Again, there’s no reason to panic,” adds Simmons, “but if
you notice four guys on horseback and they happen to be on fire, I’d maybe say a prayer or
two.” Though worldwide disaster approaches, The Federal Communications Commission is
taking the discovery in stride, saying in a prepared statement, “For months we’ve been warning
citizens that a switch to digital format is imminent. Though we assumed everyone would know
such a change meant the second coming of Christ, it appears many people are still
unprepared. Oh well, good luck.” Link this story here.
Comment on this story here. Story Archive -TheFilesFiles.com
Decent Exposure: The Riverfront Times The Suburban Journals RFT(blog)
97.1FM (audio)
Disclaimer: TheFilesFiles.com is a satire site...the truth is just too boring.
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Experts predict with the
digital TV conversion
upon us, the four
apocalyptic horsemen will
soon follow.
digital TV conversion
upon us, the four
apocalyptic horsemen will
soon follow.
Scholars debate the
meaning of the lost digital
television conversion
verses from Revelation.
meaning of the lost digital
television conversion
verses from Revelation.
