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RUPERT MURDOCH TO BUY THE INTERNET
News Corp Chairman Believes The World Wide Web “May Have Potential To Be Something”
NEW YORK, NY – In a move that left Wall Street buzzing with anticipation, media mogul
Rupert Murdoch has announced his intention to buy the Internet. The Fox Network owner says
though some see the deal as a risky one, he’s semi-confident the Web could turn into
something significant. “I know it sounds a bit bold,” Murdoch tells TheFilesFiles.com, “but
there may be room for growth with this Web thing if it’s managed properly. So I’m going to take
it over…It’s Murdoch time fools.” Though he’s notorious for keeping a lid on his business
plans, Murdoch’s lawyers released a portion of his proposed acquisition agenda to the media
in an attempt to gain support prior to seeking FCC approval of the purchase. Murdoch’s
Balls To The Wall, Let’s Do This Thang Baby! plan involves significant alteration of the Internet
in order to align it with the media tycoon’s interests. “People don’t want Google or Yahoo or any
of that, so consider it gone.” writes Murdoch, “It’s going to be stock reports and Minesweeper
front and center and we’re renaming it too. ‘Internet’ is too passive, so we’re calling it
MurdochWorld.”
While some tout the move as a bold step in the right direction, opponents, including several
News Corp stockholders, say it’s a vanity project with trouble written all over it. “Seriously,
MurdochWorld?” says stockholder Jamal Barnes, “Why don’t they just call it MetamucilLand
and broadcast shuffleboard games all day?” Pressed for a response, Murdoch calls Barnes a
“genius” and announced his plans to do just that. Though it’s uncertain if the Web is truly even
for sale and, if so, who’s selling it, Murdoch remains adamant that he found out through the
classifieds in the back of his Reminisce magazine.
Comment on this story here. Story Archive -TheFilesFiles.com
Decent Exposure: The Riverfront Times The Suburban Journals RFT(blog)
97.1FM (audio)
Disclaimer: TheFilesFiles.com is a satire site...the truth is just too boring.
RUPERT MURDOCH TO BUY THE INTERNET
News Corp Chairman Believes The World Wide Web “May Have Potential To Be Something”
NEW YORK, NY – In a move that left Wall Street buzzing with anticipation, media mogul
Rupert Murdoch has announced his intention to buy the Internet. The Fox Network owner says
though some see the deal as a risky one, he’s semi-confident the Web could turn into
something significant. “I know it sounds a bit bold,” Murdoch tells TheFilesFiles.com, “but
there may be room for growth with this Web thing if it’s managed properly. So I’m going to take
it over…It’s Murdoch time fools.” Though he’s notorious for keeping a lid on his business
plans, Murdoch’s lawyers released a portion of his proposed acquisition agenda to the media
in an attempt to gain support prior to seeking FCC approval of the purchase. Murdoch’s
Balls To The Wall, Let’s Do This Thang Baby! plan involves significant alteration of the Internet
in order to align it with the media tycoon’s interests. “People don’t want Google or Yahoo or any
of that, so consider it gone.” writes Murdoch, “It’s going to be stock reports and Minesweeper
front and center and we’re renaming it too. ‘Internet’ is too passive, so we’re calling it
MurdochWorld.”
While some tout the move as a bold step in the right direction, opponents, including several
News Corp stockholders, say it’s a vanity project with trouble written all over it. “Seriously,
MurdochWorld?” says stockholder Jamal Barnes, “Why don’t they just call it MetamucilLand
and broadcast shuffleboard games all day?” Pressed for a response, Murdoch calls Barnes a
“genius” and announced his plans to do just that. Though it’s uncertain if the Web is truly even
for sale and, if so, who’s selling it, Murdoch remains adamant that he found out through the
classifieds in the back of his Reminisce magazine.
Comment on this story here. Story Archive -TheFilesFiles.com
Decent Exposure: The Riverfront Times The Suburban Journals RFT(blog)
97.1FM (audio)
Disclaimer: TheFilesFiles.com is a satire site...the truth is just too boring.
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